He thought again! Is this the right thing to do? Is this the right time to do?
Whenever he is confused, his mind and body come in sync and react in the same manner. This time too! He locked the machine, took his wallet from the drawer and left his desk. He didn’t realize when he reached the ground floor, nor did he remember how. Did he board the lift or he followed the path. The path commonly known as stairs among normal human beings. There is something about stairs. He always wondered that people can’t see the complete trajectory of the stairs but still follow them blindly. Is it because they know they have a well-defined path, already determined and tested. Or because thats the only path available. No options! How much he had wished if his life also had the same characteristics. A journey named life… with complete itinerary in his hand before putting forward the first step. And with no other options. But then, as he has heard, uncertainty about life is also interesting. Oh yes! Uncertainty! The term associated with life, by those who don’t have control over their life?
“Isn’t he belonging to the same category?” Caught in this web of thoughts, he reached the small outlet outside his office. The person on the other side recognized his regular customer and a cigarette along with a cup of tea was ready. Ahhh yes that is exactly what he was saying to himself just now! But then he changed his loyalties. Instead of just one, he asked for a full box of cigarettes. The guy was surprised and happy at the same time.
Three and a half cigarettes down, he was still in his thoughts. She came and stopped in front of him. He stared her for few moments and then continued his love affair with his cigarette.
She moved ahead but stops after a few steps. She again looked at him and decided to wait for him.
How his mind and his heart can accommodate so much tensions. The room reserved out there for tensions is quite bigger than the room which gives shelter to the things he loves, the room he loves more than anything in this world. And the worst part about the tension room is its flexibility. Whenever he thinks that the room is full and there is no space available for another one, there enters one more and the room shows his greatness. “Oh dear! Come on in! I am dying to prove my greatness.
Four cigarettes hadn’t helped him. For the first time! He finished another one and started moving back towards his office, with his dilemma. She followed him, with a hope. He went to the top floor. Just wanted to check if the room is bigger than the city he can view from terrace.
Two more cigarettes!
She was still there, behind him, at some distance, expecting a call from him.
“There must be some other solution to this”. He lighted another. He was not sure. And then he decided! Its high time that he quits this habit.
And he signed the agreement with the almighty. “OK! I am ready to move in.”
I am giving up. I am giving up this habit. I am giving up this habit of living.
And the life, waiting at a distance, silently turned back, with tears in her eyes.